Timothy Rogers, MA, LMFT
Licensed Marriage & Family Therapist mfc101500
- Let me be the last therapist you see -
Helping you get to the root of you, unearthing, remembering &
catching up to your own damn (not damaged) Self
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rogers core theory of self, centered!
At our core is Self Worth (aka: Soul,/Spirit/ Real Self). It’s established at birth and in what can be experienced as healthier state of personality development, is *encouraged in childhood from caregivers with a solid sense of their Self Worth. Therefore, they are better able to pass it onto us.
COMES FROM FEELING WORTHY JUST BECAUSE WE EXSIST
(e.g. a child runs into a room where their caregiver is and sees in the caregiver’s eyes that they are excited to see them. All the child has done is enter the room. Their existence is validated as worthy or of value to the child’s most important people, so what has been established at birth is enhanced/encouraged/‘proven’ to the child. This especially influences the child when they are between the ages of 0-3 years.
As their Self-Worth is encouraged, a person’s emotional world (and the ability to manage it in a more consistently mature way) develops from there (from the inside out). This person is better able to take action toward the one area of life in which emotional maturity is mandatory to its success. —>
ALL RELATIONSHIPS (especially ones which demand intimacy (aka: letting others in on how you authentically feel about …. Anything important to you).
When we DO something well over and over again (first failing & not giving up,) we establish Self Esteem. MAYBE A MENTOR or at least one caretaker reinforces what this person does at a pivotal developing stage (aka puberty) and with Self worth established,
SELF - ESTEEM
BECOMES A GENUINE EXPERIENCE AND CAN BE REPEATED BY DOING ESTEEM-ABLE ACTS. PRACTICING AND NOT GIVING UP.
SELF - CONFIDENCE
PRACTICING Self esteem by PERFORMING estimable acts, DOING that enough times, creates the outer layer.
What everyone outside of you sees.
“Oh She’s confident, look at her go!”
People without Self Worth established believe they have it because of Self-confidence and Self-esteem. And they DO have those qualities, they’ve worked hard to achieve those strong feelings of themselves. However, because they achieved these states of emotional satisfaction from the outside in, Self confidence when drops (as it will when life throws us a curve ball and we aren’t as confident today as we were yesterday - completely natural), but without Self Worth calcified or solitified, a momentary disappointment in self confidence will start to errode the next level of self esteem.
When self esteem is hit because of a bad day, the bad day becomes a bad you. When this happens, Self worth is exposed and so if it wasn’t consistently modeled for us and/or encouraged during childhood that we are of value and important because we exist…children can emotionally tell when something isn’t quite right with someone, they just don’t have the capability yet to express it, so what gets passed on from generation to generation is poor (the result of poverty), or low (we feel beneath something better not greater than us) and bankruptcy (empty, of low value and ‘broke).
So often times, more than anyone REALLY knows, but when it’s brought to their attention (consciousness) there is a universal recognition: Having caretakers who embody “feelings” of poor self worth leave this as a legacy to their children and/or people they influence. And so for generations, because we ‘don’t know any better’ life just gets worse. Until you’re not living anymore. A zombie. Or worse. You stop living to breathe and so you stop breathing. Literal Death.
(That’s another reason why paying attention to your breathing is crucial to surviving and surviving is crucial to thriving).
Self Confidence- outer (THE OPTICS OR WHAT OTHERS SEE. WHAT WE SHOW)
We get by ACHIEVING
SELF ESTEEM - MIDDLE (THE ACTIONS OR WHAT WE DO. ESTEEM-ABLE PRACTICED BEHAVIORS)
We get by PRACTICING & NOT GIVING UP
SELF WORTH - THE CORE OF US. OUR REAL SELVES. OUR SPIRITUAL SENSE OF BEING. OUR SOUL & Its purposeful purpose
We obtain in Childhood. We are worthy because we exist. Period.
WITHOUT (BELIEVING WE HAVE ) A CORE Sense of SELF (Agency) Encouraged throughout childhood, We try to establish ourSelves by obtaining Self confidence and Self esteem through relationships with things, achievement and people who may not have earned the right to see us as our real selves.
Of course Self-Esteem and Self-Confidence are important, but they are action and optics oriented. Without the action (and those outside ourselves continuously validating our esteem and sustaining our confidence) providing these important (but not defining) parts of our Selves (DOES enable us to achieve, but only so far). Why? Because the core hasn’t been made conscious to us do to OTHER PEOPLE’s
SELF-ISH NESS. And then our own denial of the truth:
YOU ARE ENOUGH - YOU ARE OK & WILL BE - YOU MATTER
Healing then becomes about accepting that who did this to you was not necessarily trying to on purpose. They were victims too. But without looking at our core caretakers with a bit of a critical eye ("I" as in - Me), we cannot Really SEE them as real or human. THEN we are choosing to be in a delusional life.
Which really is death. And some take it literally. Get all of your information about your Self, from your Self and with being your Self. Emotions. Thoughts. Behaviors.
BE YOU NOT THEM
Timothy Rogers, MA. LMFT
Licensed Psychotherapist mfc101500
I'm Tim Rogers and I'm a California State Licensed Marriage & Family Therapist (also considered a Licensed Psychotherapist) who holds a Master's Degree in Counseling Psychology, and am in pursuit of a PhD in Clinical Psychology with an emphasis in Depth Psychology. I have extensive experience in successfully treating the development of ineffective personality structures (who we have understood ourselves to be due to trauma) by addressing the inaccurate self-loathing beliefs which misinforms that personality structure throughout our entire lives.
rogers family & self-centered therapies
Just as not every therapist is a good fit for every client, there are particular aspects of a client's personality that I've found work best with me. As with most therapists, I utilize an eclectic orientation when working with people. I am both Cognitive Behavioral and Psychoanalytically trained. However, there are specific modalities from which I have found works best for me and for those with whom I work. For a more thorough understanding of each one, please click on the modality you are looking to find more information on:
Depending on the client, the need and their demeanor, I conceptualize that the bottom line to why anyone participates in psychotherapy is as a function for the discovery of Self-identity. Yes, it may be a crisis (infidelity, school issues, loss of a relationship) that brings you in. However, those with whom I've been privileged enough to work, deciding to look at your Self and therefore choosing a life worthy of examining (with more curiosity than criticism), is a much deeper, powerful, moving and significant part of the overall equation of a purposeful life.
Those with whom I work best
Based on both my professional and personal background, I am best able to relate to those who have an eclectic mix of culturally rich, empathic (almost to a 'fault') nature. I am my brand. You are yours. Many of my clients are high profile artists/writers, successfully creative empaths, attorneys, psychology graduate students. as well as licensed mental health professionals. Often those of us who have learned about life or gained knowledge about ourSelves, did so paying close attention to others (and our own) social interactions throughout and since childhood.
Doing for others who may not be able to do for you in the same way
You may have a wonderfully successful career, a loving relationship or may have actually found your purpose in life (or none of the above). You might still continue to struggle with Self-Esteem, Self-Confidence or the deepest of these three rings of real Self: Self-Worth. You may find that the kinds of relationships you "find (or lose) your Self" in are significantly influenced by what you are telling people about how you feel about your Self, without saying a single negative Self-deprecating word. As a conventional or unconventional creative or empathic person, you may have been able to successfully help, support and provide insight for others in their lives.
The crazy ones are not the ones in therapy
You tend to be better able to be emotionally savvy on stage, on set or in the writer's room, the boardroom but rarely, if ever in the bedroom. Yet you have consistently expressed the very real emotional pain of a lifetime of vas loneliness, consistent confusion and such a strong disconnection from your feelings, that it may feel you don't have any. You may have been criticized by others (and undoubtedly your Self) for "over thinking," or possessing such a severe lack of empathy for others that you would "only" be equal to that of a "psycho" or "sociopath."
YOU ARE NOT OVER THINKING, YOU ARE UNDER FEELING
You could be crippled with internal insecurities, high anxiety (panic attacks) or Depression (lack of vitality) and/or the extremes of all of the above, Yet, you also have an almost superhero-like ability to provide others with deep insight or effective solutions to their problems.
If this sounds at all like you or someone you love, then you (and/or they) will also find that you are moving through the world and feeling incredibly disappointed and intensely alone. This aloneness is experienced so viscerally and can build such deep contempt and powerful resentment toward others. This can be because you feel you have no one is in YOUR corner. No one who seems as authentically curious about you or so acutely observant in anticipating your needs at the high level of mindfulness that you have and continue to be for everybody else.
I work from a Jungian perspective although I first make sure that whatever has you feeling the most emotionally safe in our work, that's the best approach for me. Working with intellectually gifted as well as those who have a particularly high Emotional Intelligent quotient, has helped me help others become aware that emotions can drive our behavior and impact others (positively and negatively).
relationships are meant to be enjoyed not survived
I also encourage people to reflect on the origin and meaning of their experiences. During this process, we discover how patterns of relationship and thought might stand in the way of living a more authentically free, personally satisfying, purposeful, and vibrant lives. I provide a safe, comfortable environment that supports my clients' efforts to navigate challenging circumstances, and create paths of fulfillment that are uniquely and truly their own. Ultimately, I agree with what my own therapist says, about this often misunderstood and stigmatized process: "Therapy succeeds when it helps people align with their deeper Selves, and discover an individual sense of meaning and purpose."