Timothy Rogers, MA, LMFT

Licensed Marriage & Family Therapist mfc101500

rogers family therapy & real self centered, inc.

It's all about You, Your Self & Why. From your point of you.

UNDOING THE ALONENESS

As you continue to gather information for your or​ someone you love's journey for support, I'd like you to consider something. Something many people may not realize until it happens or it starts to happen for them, and for some, may never happen. Therapy can undo your aloneness. Yup, it's true. Working with a psychotherapist, especially with me don’t have to be such a medical, or "stuffy" experience. 

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As with ANY relationship, ours must have defined boundaries, clear expectation, and you must feel emotionally safe enough for you to be your true Self. Your true Self is established at birth and may not have been encouraged ... enough. throughout your extremely important, sensitive formative years. Instead, you might have felt like it wasn't enough.  

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Being forced to abandon your true self due.  to narc issistic (trauma) parenting can be a major precursor to emotional (not being permitted to express your Self as a child), physical (when a patent is no longer there due death or divorce or never was there). Or when a sibling is born, or has a need greater than average due to mental, physical or emotional health ) And if any of that happened between the ages of 0-3 when we develop our actual personality, the disorder of THAT kind of trauma often leads to an alternate developed or falsely developed self. It’s the intrusiveness of having to adhere to the overarching needs of an authority figure, which establishes that kind of codependent relationship for the rest of that child’s life.

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Unless through intervention (usually because of drug/alcohol or sex or shopping or eating as a way to medicate what is unconsciously understood), that child who was forced to be an adult too early whom everyone praised or being so mature now an adult doesn’t know enough on how to be a grown up. But it’s the original relationship that was toxic or what was taught was toxic. 

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So they either ignore the personality traits that everyone is noticing and say nothing, or they are in jail or they learn but it takes years and usually only through crisis. Seemingly it's very toxic because it’s a relationship problem right? Well, consider that it's more of a problem in relationships.  this means that the treatment, the remedy, is within another relationship. But this time, a different kind. One  which is not dangerous to its participants (like drugs and alcohol), one that is not toxic (like with people who have not earned the right to know your vulnerabilities. 

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A relationship which IS the treatment! A relationship not with an object or an objectifying person. Another type. An Other who is empathic, direct and yet not too rigid but flexible in their directness and empathy. So that you, within that safe relationship  can try (practice) to thrive and where you will not be judged. That’s therapy. That's good therapy and that's therapy with me.

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It's therapy that is real and that will honestly and objectively support, encourage independence while allowing enough dependence so that you can FEEL the difference without those feelings being facts! That's holding you in the way an ideal (not idealized) parent might have done enough of had they had had that some consideration. That's the best way of holding you accountable. It's the best way because while you may still get lonely, you will not ever again actually be alone. Why? Because like that parent that never was and will never be, the relationship you and I establish, ultimately will begin with our working together, and continue as you ae held accountable. Tto You, to Your Self AND this time, you'll finally cerebrally and viscerally  know Why! 

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